Lasciste Esso Bruciarsi
by xMegh
Summary: Based on Usher's Burn. Legolas leaves the love of his life before he leaves for the Fellowship's journey, but what will he do once he realizes he made a huge mistake? -some things in here anomalies, slightly AU-
1. Burning me to hold on

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Lasciste Esso Bruciarsi

By: X8DramaQueen8X

Rated: PG-13

Summary: Based on Usher's "_Burn_". Legolas leaves the love of his life before he leaves for the Fellowship's journey, but what will he do once he realizes he made a huge mistake?

Chapter 1- Burning Me to Hold On

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Disclaimer: I don't own any of Tolkien's characters. I never did. I never will. I don't own Usher's song "_Burn_" or Usher. I never did. I never will.

GOD DAMN IT!

Oh yeah, please don't flame me. Just review.

And I had to change a few lyrics to make it not sound creepy, so don't get on my case about that, okay?

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A/N:

First thing you've got to understand- I'm not one of those Tolkien people who know everything about every culture of Middle-earth and can recite the book off-hand. I take my basic knowledge from the movie, so I don't know that much. I just like to write.

I'll be back later- I'm going to go cry because I don't own Legolas.

But I will!! Muahaha! _::shakes pair of handcuffs in the air::_

I'll be back later, but in the meantime, read this and I hope you enjoy it!

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He took her by the wrist and dragged her down into the garden. She had an ill feeling- she somehow knew the news he had to tell her would not be good.

"Legolas, what on Middle-earth is happening?" asked Idril, her azure eyes baring his soul as she looked at him.

"_Girl, you have got to understand why_," he said, and she now knew that something was wrong. He never began speaking with little disclaimers unless something was ill.

"Understand what, meleth?" Idril questioned, and Legolas wished that she had not said that- meleth, her love. It was bringing back too much and would hinder what he had to do.

He held her hand, intertwining their fingers. "_See it's burning me to hold onto this, but I know it's something I've got to do. That doesn't mean I want to_-"

"Legolas…" whispered Idril, but Legolas brushed her lips with a gentle finger to silence her. She quivered, wanting to feel something other than his fingertip on her mouth.

"Let me get this out, or I'll never be able to say it," he sighed. She nodded shakily "_What I'm trying to say is, 'I love you,' it's just_-"

"Just?" asked Idril, shocked, tears already streaming down her face. "What's just? Legolas, what is going on?"

Legolas ran his mouth from her temple to her chin, then up to kiss her tears away. "My time here with you, _I feel like it is coming to an end, and it's better for me to let it go now than hold on and hurt you. I've got to let it burn_."

Idril couldn't speak. Today was one instance in which she could not see through him. She was unsure whether he was saying this because tomorrow he was leaving to destroy Sauron's Ring or he really wanted to leave her.

"It was simply a dream, Idril, nothing more," he said, sliding his fingertips down her soft cheek. "I never truly loved you."

Legolas did not notice, but Idril became pale and trembled slightly in his arms. Her heart began breaking and another tear found its way out of her eye.

"_It's going to burn for me to say this, but it's coming from my heart. It's been a long time coming, but we're done,_ we've _been fell apart_," he said.

"That's not true," she said, fighting back tears, but she couldn't let him see her like that. "_I really want to work this out, but I don't think you're gonna change_."

"_I do, but you don't think it's best we go our separate ways_," he said solemnly. "_Tell me why I should stay in this relationship when I'm hurting, baby_."

"Because I'm in love with you," she said. She wasn't sure what this feeling was. Normally, her being an elf, she felt warm and contented even in the snow. Now she shivered with a surge of ice almost at her skin, but she thought she was ill, since she had never before felt cold.

"_I am not happy, baby_," he murmured. "_Plus there's so many other things I've got to deal with, _as I'm leaving with the Fellowship at dawn._ I think that you should let it burn_."

She didn't move as he leaned forward and took her lips for his own, if it was only a moment.

When he pulled away, she stared at him. "If you never truly loved me," she whispered, "then why did you just kiss me?"

He sighed, got up, and walked away.

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	2. This is something I've got to do

Lasciste Esso Bruciarsi

By: X8DramaQueen8X

Rated: PG-13

Summary: Based on Usher's "_Burn_". Legolas leaves the love of his life before he leaves for the Fellowship's journey, but what will he do once he realizes he made a huge mistake?

Chapter 2- This is Something I've Got to Do

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****

Disclaimer: I don't own any of Tolkien's characters. I never did. I never will. I don't own Usher's song "_Burn_" or Usher. I never did. I never will.

GOD DAMN IT!

Oh yeah, please don't flame me. Just review.

And I had to change a few lyrics to make it not sound creepy, so don't get on my case about that, okay?

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A/N:

Oh wait- I just stole Legolas. He's trying to scream but I put a handkerchief over his mouth so you can't hear him.

Um, a little note: I know that there aren't like any whores in Lothlorien and Legolas wouldn't give himself away so freely, but what you all have to comprehend is that a) I'm a complete dumbass b) I just did it to make the story work a little better c) the story controlled me instead of me controlling it, so this is just how it came out.

Now that that's out of the way, while you read chapter 2, I'm going to go… do something… ::smiles maniacally::

Legolas- ::muffled scream from Meg's room, rattling the handcuffs against the headboard as he writhes around, making futile attempts to escape:: **_nooooo!_**

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Months passed with Idril unable to feel, because the loss of the Elf she loved more than her life itself had left her, and also took with him her heart and her capability of feeling emotions, much less anything else. She was still always cold, but she was burning inside, and then she began trying to fade from Middle-earth. For the first few weeks, Legolas believed he had done the right thing, until he reached Lothlórien. Being surrounded by so many elves on a daily basis made him remember and yearn for her more than he truly should have.

Their last night in the Golden Wood, Legolas sat down in the talan Lord Celeborn had given him, writing the fifth page of a letter that he was going to send by fastest horse to Rivendell.

He wrote beautifully on the parchment, "I'm sending pages, I know I'm not supposed to. I've got somebody here, but I want you. The feeling just isn't the same- I've found myself calling her your name. My lady, tell me, do you understand? All my fellows, yes, they feel my pain. It's the way I feel. I know I made a mistake, a most regrettable mistake, two in fact, and that now it's too late." The memories made him so angered at himself so that he began scribbling.

Legolas remembered it as he wrote it down.

Two days ago, he had been leaning against a mallorn tree in silence until a blonde elleth, Aurehen, came up beside him. She was tall and beautiful, but her collar was much too far down and her breasts pushed against close against the fabric. He instantly knew her purpose. "I beg your pardon, my lord, but you look lonely. Do you want some female company tonight?"

He didn't know what compelled him to take Aurehen to his talan that night, but he did nonetheless, and not once were his actions hindered or considered. But only in the morning after Aurehen had left did he realize the gargantuan consequences of what he had done and the mistake he had made.

The next day, he was sitting by the window looking at the glimmering sunbeams as they filtered through the silver trees and under the horizon. He was surprised when Aurehen knocked on the door by the porch of the talan. He opened the door and she attached her lips to his without hesitation. Only half aware of what he was doing, Legolas picked her up, kicked the door shut behind him, and laid the elleth on his bed. No sooner had she removed his tunic and he stripped her of her overdress, did he whisper to her unconsciously, "Idril, oh, Idril, I love you, I love you so much."

Aurehen sat up beneath him. "My lord, my name is not Idril."

It slowly sank into him.

He moved both legs from around her and backed away from her. "My apologies, Aurehen, but this is not best. I fear I must ask you to leave."

She tugged her dress back over her head and climbed down the ladder of his talan without a word exchanged between the two. After that, he spoke to no one else. He now knew the truth of what he had done and regretted it with every fiber of his being. Idril- he still loved her.

Later that afternoon, after he signed the letter, he went to Haldir. "Haldir, my friend, which messenger horse is your fastest?"

"Sûlceleg, the chestnut mare in the first stall. Why, my friend?"

"I need to send an urgent message to Imladris," he explained.

The March Warden raised an eyebrow. "To Idril?"

Legolas stuttered. "How did you know?"

"Your emotions and intentions are not exactly a secret, Legolas," Haldir chuckled, his gray eyes laughing.

Legolas was slightly annoyed now. "Haldir, can you send it or not?"

Haldir took the scroll out of the Mirkwood Prince's hand. "I think I can manage the task."

Haldir sent a free messenger to Imladris on Sûlceleg, and the letter reached its destination in two days.

Idril never read it.

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	3. That doesn't mean I want to

Lasciste Esso Bruciarsi

By: X8DramaQueen8X

Rated: PG-13

Summary: Based on Usher's "_Burn_". Legolas leaves the love of his life before he leaves for the Fellowship's journey, but what will he do once he realizes he made a huge mistake?

Chapter 3- That Doesn't Mean I Want to

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Disclaimer: I don't own any of Tolkien's characters. I never did. I never will. I don't own Usher's song "_Burn_" or Usher. I never did. I never will.

GOD DAMN IT!

Oh yeah, please don't flame me. Just review.

And I had to change a few lyrics to make it not sound creepy, so don't get on my case about that, okay?

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A/N:

And I wanted to own Legolas so much, too.

Legolas- Actually, ::slips both arms around Meg's waist:: she's not that bad once you get to know her, and once you get past her obsession with me.

Me- ::mutters to herself:: Daaaaamn, he's fine. ::turns around, looks into those icy cobalt eyes, and tugs at the collar of his tunic:: Okay, well how about we leave them alone to read, and we go over-

Legolas- ::placing his hands on her waist, slowly working them up underneath her shirt:: I'm way ahead of you, meleth.

Me- _::hyperventilating in ecstasy, thinking:: _he called me his love! _::turning away from him::_ Oh, before I forget, I gotta address a few things brought up to me in a review I just got. Ummm... The arranged marriage bit, don't ask me why cuz I won't be able to answer, but for me it made the writing a little bit easier. Oh, by the way, the little thing about her not being able to die- I know that Elves die of broken hearts like almost instantly, but I had to switch it up a little bit to make the story work- hence the little disclaimer in the summary- like duh, and I think what I put near the end may make a little more sense, even if it doesn't technically go by the rules. But I always thought that trying to fade from Middle-earth was different than dying of a broken heart, but go figure.

Okay, well, go on and read and _::looking back at Legolas::_ while they're busy… _::pushes him through her bedroom door and shuts it behind her::_

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"I know she is not coming back," Legolas whispered ruefully to himself as he slowly began paddling the canoe down the Anduin River.

"What are you blabbering about now?" asked Gimli gruffly.

"What do I got to do now to get my shorty back?" he said more to himself than the dwarf before him.

Gimli almost laughed. "Your 'shorty'? I swear, I don't understand you Elves." Seeing that Legolas wasn't laughing, he regained seriousness. "Do you mean Idril?" Gimli questioned, turning around in the boat.

"Oh, man, I don't know what I'm going to do without my boo," Legolas said, almost chiding himself.

"Your 'boo'?" asked Gimli, nearly laughing once again. "I _really_ don't understand you Elves."

Idril was sitting on her porch, looking at the sunrise over the waterfalls. "You've been gone for too long," she whispered under her breath, looking at her undesired betrothed beside her, but thinking of another. "It's been fifty-eleven days, um-teen hours. I'm going to be burning until you return."

"I've got to let it burn," Legolas repeated in his head, a mantra that would allow him to keep his self-control.

"Im twisted," she murmured, "because one side of me is telling me that I need to move on. On the other side, I want to break down and cry."

Legolas' face fell as they passed the statues of the Kings of Old. "Oh, I'm twisted because one side of me is telling me that I need to move on. On the other side, I want to break down and cry."

"So many days, so many hours, I'm still burning until you return," murmured Idril as she stood before Lord Elrond and next to the elf who was becoming her husband.

Legolas walked around the corridors of the Golden Hall, tainted with insomnia. It didn't take him long to feel a presence around him and heavy boots stomping to catch up with him.

Gimli growled, "Legolas, why are you still awake? Helm's Deep was treacherous. You should be regaining your strength. You should be sleeping."

"Gimli, how did you know I was awake?"

"How could I not with the racket you make?"

"I made noise?"

"Not with your feet, but your moans of distress are enough to drive anyone mad," Gimli chortled.

"Gimli, do you think that I made a mistake?"

"With what, my friend?"

Then he seemed to make up his own mind. "I did the wrong thing. I should not have left her. I still love her."

He said, taking big steps to catch up to Legolas' fast pacing, "Let me give you some advice. When you're feelings aren't the same and your body doesn't want to, but you know you have got to let it go, because the party isn't jumping like it used to, even though it might bruise you, you have to let it burn- let it go."

"The party isn't what?" Legolas asked, looking at the dwarf, chuckling.

The dwarf continued as Legolas and Gimli both sat down on a stone railing. "Let me say this in a way you might understand. Deep down, you know it's best for yourself, but you hate the thought of her being with someone else, and you know that it's over. But are you _sure_ that it's over? You _know_ that it's through?"

Legolas took a moment. "No. I did not leave her because our relationship was fading. I left her because if I had stayed, I would have fallen deeper in love with her, married her, and made her a widow after this mission."

And he had only realized it now.

Idril was still in Imladris with her husband, Uial, her daughter in his arms and her newborn son in a crib under the window. But she still dreamed of the love of the Mirkwood Prince that had left her those few years ago.

She had never confessed to Uial that she loved another. Uial knew that she was not as in love with him as he was with her. However, since her parents had arranged her marriage to him, she truly had no choice even if she did tell him. She had only become with child with her daughter since Uial almost forced himself upon her on their wedding night, and she became pregnant with her son only when Uial had nearly implored to have access to her.

Right after her daughter had been born, Idril tried to fade again. She refused to eat. She didn't sleep. She cried constantly.

She no longer found reason to go on living.

She was never successful. She never died.

Deep down in her heart, she knew her heart was broken, and she damned the Valar for not taking her pain away quickly. But they knew what played in the young Prince's mind, and they refused to take a life which was still loved.

Uial rubbed her back as she awoke, "Idril, are you all right, my love?"

All was silent for a moment, save their son's crying. Then, "No, no I'm not," she confessed. "Uial, it is not you, but I have to leave. I can't stand it anymore. I'm riding to the Grey Havens at dawn."

After Legolas came back to Rivendell that very morning, he knew she had gone. After that, he had nothing more on the earth. He rode as fast as his horse would carry him and reached the docks of the harbor beyond the white towers.

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	4. I'm trying to say I love you

Lasciste Esso Bruciarsi

By: X8DramaQueen8X

Rated: PG-13

Summary: Based on Usher's Burn. Legolas leaves the love of his life before he leaves for the Fellowship's journey, but what will he do once he realizes he made a huge mistake?

Chapter 4- I'm Trying to Say 'I Love You'

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****

Disclaimer: I don't own any of Tolkien's characters. I never did. I never will. I don't own Usher's song "_Burn_" or Usher. I never did. I never will.

GOD DAMN IT!

Oh yeah, please don't flame me. Just review.

And I had to change a few lyrics to make it not sound creepy, so don't get on my case about that, okay?

---------------------

A/N:

Me- ::walks over to the computer, wrapped in her bed sheet:: Before any of you ask, yes, I am perverted, yes, I am obsessed with Legolas and Orlando, and no, I won't give him back.

Legolas- ::walking over from her room, wrapped in a blanket, laying his chin in the nape of her neck:: I don't want to be given back.

Me- ::whimpers, feeling his golden hair brush her shoulder, seeing that he's only covered from his waist to above his knees::

Legolas- What, meleth?

Me- ::whining:: Oh, you know you're making me weak.

Legolas- Isn't that the point? ::makes to kiss her neck::

Me- Shh… the story's supposed to be angsty, you're not supposed to be so damn horn-

Legolas- ::covers her mouth with his hand and looks up, smiling sheepishly:: Okay, well, how about the rest of you finish reading while we…

Me- ::muffled under his hand:: YES!!

Legolas- ::smiles, grabs her hand, and drags her off::

Albert & Kathy (Meg's Parents)- ::just getting home from their weekend in Rhode Island:: Meg? We're home! Where are you?

Me- **DDAAAMMMMNNNNN** **IIIIIIITTTTTTT!**

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Idril boarded the ship, tears of sorrow on the verge of falling from her eyes. Legolas dismounted his horse and whispered Elvish words to the animal that made the stallion turn around and run for home.

"Wait-" he yelled at a brunette elf on the pier who was releasing the rope from the dock to let the boat float away. "Don't!" Legolas raced onto the boat and grabbed the shoulders of the blonde elleth by the stern.

"Legolas," Idril said quietly.

Legolas buried his face in her golden wheat hair. "Idril, I know that you are married now, I know you have a family, but I cannot hold in my feelings a moment longer, and if I do, it will kill me."

"Legolas, don't-" she begged.

"Don't- don't stop me, Idril. Please don't stop me," he interrupted, growling with yearning, staring directly in her gorgeous sapphire eyes. "I need to say this."

She shivered with longing. She knew that he was the last piece of the puzzle of her life. He was all she needed. He was all she wanted. But he had hurt her too much once already. She knew that he would do it to her again.

He captured her in his arms and whispered against her lips. "Idril, all those years ago, when I said I didn't love you- I was lying to you and myself, for the truth is that you are all that I ever needed, that I ever will need."

She could not bear to say what she had to. ['But you've hurt me before. You'd do it to me again. What makes you believe that just apologizing for what you did to me all those years ago will simply make everything all right again?']

"Please, please forgive me, Idril. I've spent all this time wishing that I hadn't done what I've done. I've been burning all these years, knowing the pain that I have forced you to endure."

Idril wasn't sure if he was enraging her or upsetting her. "Legolas, it's far too late now. I'm married. I have two children. And you have no idea how much you hurt me those years ago. I spent all that time, from the garden until now, thinking what I had done to make you not love me anymore. What you have said is not enough of a poultice to heal those forgotten wounds, my friend."

"Will something else heal it?" he asked, more of a plea.

"Will what heal it?" she said, her eyes glassy with unshed tears.

"This, I pray," he murmured, slanting his mouth across hers fiercely, as she had always hungered for him to kiss her. "Please," he implored after she halted the cadence of their contact. "I need you beside me, whether it be for only tomorrow or as long as I breathe."

"What made you change your mind?" she panted.

"I'd changed my mind a long time ago. I realized I made the biggest mistake of my life- leaving you. It was not because I wanted to leave you. I was selfish. I figured that if you were not on my mind whilst I was on the journey, I could be more capable of completing the task at hand, but it did the exact opposite. It hindered me. And if I had remained attached to you, you would have died of a broken heart, for I knew I would die in battle. All I did was create lies for myself so you could not haunt my every thought and be my every memory. But I knew that I- I couldn't and I can't bear to live without you, Idril."

"Your majesty, are you remaining on the ship? We cannot delay much longer," said the brunette elf.

"Just give me another minute," pleaded Legolas deperately.

"Legolas-" Idril begged. "Do not do this to me any longer. I cannot bear this torment another moment." **And don't kiss me again, **she thought. **Please do not kiss me again, for then I will not be capable of resisting.**

"Idril, you comprehend not how much I've maltreated myself, as well as I have you, by telling the falsehood that I did not love you. I need you."

"I cannot give you what you need, Legolas. You must seek someone else. I refuse to have you by my side only to tell me lies again," she whispered against his mouth as he leaned down to kiss her again.

"Do you love him?"

"He knows that I don't love him. I never loved him. My heart had already been captured by another," she admitted, looking down at the boards of the deck.

"You tried to fade because of me, did you not?" he questioned, tilting her head up to gaze into her eyes. She nodded solemnly. "Why?" he inquired.

"I saw no reason to live after you said it was simply a dream, and I no longer wished to live my life without you."

"I can identify with your pain. I see no reason to live after you asked me not to do this to you any longer, and I no longer wish to live my life without you."

"Just stop it, Legolas," she snapped, pulling away from him. "Leave me alone. I'm sailing for Valinor without you." It burst out of her. "You've hurt me before, and you'd do it again. What makes you believe that simply a sudden apology will suddenly take away everything I've endured because of you?"

"Idril-" he began.

She slapped him across his cheek and he clutched it in shock and pain. "Don't you dare stop me, Legolas! Don't you dare!"

"Idril-" he put a hand where her neck met her shoulder after a quiet instant.

"Damn it, Legolas, get away from me! Because if you touch me again," she said, now softening, "if you touch me again, I'll fall back in love with you."

"Idril, meleth," he said. "I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry."

He felt her palm graze his chin and froze when it landed on his mouth.

"Legolas, just be quiet and kiss me," she giggled, smiling.

His normally stern face lightened, his eyes laughed, and he leaned down to seize her mouth for his own.

Then thought dawned upon her. "Wait."

He pulled back, confused.

"Set sail," she said lightly to the brunette on the pier who released the rope off the dock.

Legolas smiled and took Idril in his arms, and kissed her fervently as they disappeared into the sunset, sailing to the jeweled shores of Valinor where they would live together in happiness until the end of eternity.


End file.
